you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
