I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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