Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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