Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
