rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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