your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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