How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
