You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
