please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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