So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
