I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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