Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
