dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
