Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
