Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the day after is always just damage control
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
