so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
