So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
