im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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