Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
