i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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