come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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