it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
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I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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