it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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