the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
