My Higher Power is John Stamos
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
