1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
