hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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