EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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