Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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