Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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