i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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