You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
