I am in a vortex of obligation.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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