Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Sacagawea was the original milf.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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