i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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