I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
