Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
