So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
