So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I want to have your abortion
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
