Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
