im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
