walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
