so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
