This is not my ceiling
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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