A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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