My hair reeks of homosexuality.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
