Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
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he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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