The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
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I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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