Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this will be a night to untag.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
