Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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