tonight lets celebrate not being married
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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