There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
