umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
