i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
