I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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