I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
