yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
