I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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