I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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