but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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