You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
