he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
