why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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