Me. At least after what I've been through.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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