God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
