How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
