Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
