If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
