I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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