I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
