im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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