I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
