It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
