idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
In America we eat man semen.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
