i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
