In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's blow job season.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
