you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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