It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
