Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize